'Accepted' has a whole new meaning...

Now that I'm in college.  And now that I've been rejected by schools and comedy troupes alike, I now have an all new appreciation for Bartleby's "Welcome to SHIT" speech.  And the movie's overall message.

God, I love that movie.

Tea

So today I purchased a box of Twining's Irish Breakfast Tea.  And so far as I can tell, there is no discernable difference between English Breakfast Tea and Irish Breakfast Tea.

Irony?  I think so.

What I've Learned in College (so far)

• I drink a lot of f***ing milk.  A gallon doesn't even last me four days.  What the heck.
• If you live on your college's secondary campus in an all girl dorm, chances are your weekend nights are going to be really.  Freaking.  Boring.
• Philosophy classes and clubs are like a safe-haven of sorts for the least attractive guys on campus.  (Actually, make that the least attractive guys anywhere.)
• A 12:45 class is acceptable.  A 9:45 am class is early.  An 8:00 am class should never, ever appear on your schedule.
• Posters don't seem to like the walls of college dorm walls, and all those fancy 3M products don't work.
• DO NOT HANG A CORKBOARD OVER YOUR BED.  Because it will probably decide to fall on you while you sleep.
• Handicapped showers are awkward if you're not handicapped.
• City birds are like raptors - they'll hide in your blind spots and try to flank you while you eat a scone.  They have no shame, they have no scruples, and they want your crumbs.
• Starbucks will always be crowded when you least expect it.  And when I say crowded, I mean that if you didn't know any better, you'd think that "The Espresso Machine" was a twenty-story roller coaster that found you your soul mate and paid all your tuition (and that's just on the way up).
• It doesn't matter what you learned about writing in high school or what kind of voice you developed: it's too damn fancy.  You need to write like a sub-par freshman if you want to impress.
• Being hit on by random guys is terrifying.
• One of the worst things about college is the fact that you see all sorts of ridiculously attractive men.  You don't talk to them, you don't hear them, you don't even get to walk within ten feet of them.  You see them once and then Poof! they're gone forever.
• Finding decent meat in college that doesn't cost you a couple of digits is nearly impossible.  So if you like to assert your place on the food chain, you better get your fill of it before you come to school.
• In the Lake of the Woods is not one of Tim O'Brien's more popular books.
• Hipsters run rampant in college.  And the male ones are attractive as hell.
• Tilty desk chairs are like the devil incarnate.
• There is no better feeling than telling your college writing class that you have a family friend who knows John Barth.  (Take that Ms. Makes-me-wanna-shank-a-baby!)

Three Week Checkup

Hi everyone.  I'm still alive.  Busy (in a sense), but alive.

My dorm's nice, so far as college dorms go.  I have a single, since apparently no handicapped students wanted to live on the secodary campus in an all-girl's dorm.  So, thanks to that, I have two spacious closets, a handicapped shower, lightswitches at the same height as my groin, and plenty of floor space to cover with papers and clothes.  The common area is reminiscent of a horror B-movie set, and the kitchen is... grody.  And doing laundry cost money, which no one is okay with.  But somehow, we carry on.

Quite surprisingly, I like all of my classes 95% of the time.  Here's what I'm taking:

• University Writing (Debates in Contemporary Fiction):  I'll be honest, this class wasn't quite what I was expecting, but I like it nonetheless.  The teacher's nice, and the material is - at least to me - pretty accessible.  There's one girl in the class who makes me want to shank a baby or do something else destructive, but everyone else is nice enough.  And I haven't failed any assignments (yet).
• Dean's Seminar (Brief Prose Forms):  I actually met the professor who teaches this class when I was at orientation, and he's the one who told me to sign up.  Such a good decision.  It's basically a creative writing course, but it's much smaller than the intro classes, and we write much shorter pieces.  The assignments so far haven't been too bad, though I have suffered a nasty case of writer's block at the hands of one, which was none too enjoyable.  There are only two things about that I'm not crazy about: 1) everyone reads everyone else's stories, and 2) Ms. Makes-me-wanna-shank-a-baby is also in this class.  But I like it, overall.
• Intro to Philosophy:  BEST CLASS.  It's undoubtedly my favorite one at the moment.  I love how laid back it is, I'm getting the readings, and the professor's really friendly.  Taking notes is a little tough, but my smartpen really helps with getting what I don't have time to write down.  The only problem is that as of right now, all of the upcoming Philosophy Club meetings are right during the middle of this class.  So that's a good bit of irony, if you've been looking for some.
• General Chemistry:  I like this course, mainly because it's going to be a lot of review for me.  Having survived AP Chem last year, I recognize all of the topics we're going to be covering.  It's starting to look like the only problem I'll have in this one is paying attention in class; the professor is nice, but his voice (mildly reminiscent of Kermit the Frog) finds me carried off in the arms of Morpheus.
• General Psychology:  This was the one class I didn't originally plan on taking.  The curriculum isn't too foreign, which is comforting, but there's a research aspect that's going to be a bit of a pain.  The professor has the most effeminite voice I've heard in a while, but he's a movie freak and fairly funny.  And personable, too, so long as you don't ask any stupid questions.

I've met some pretty decent people since I got here.  The kids in both of my english classes (not including Ms. Makes-me-wanna-shank-a-baby) are friendly, and we all get along pretty well.  There's one girl in my dorm who I get on very well with, and we have a couple of classes together too; we've been spending a fair amount of time hanging out.  Last night I finally felt like I was in college when she and I stayed up until 1 A.M. talking about: philosophy, John Gardner, social psychology, House, and all sorts of other random things.  Such a good time.

Food here is kind of weird.  The two main dining halls are decent, but horridly overpriced in my eyes.  Thankfully there's a contigency of separate vendors who accept my school's meal plan.  And, most importantly, there's a Whole Foods Market.  ON MY MEAL PLAN.  I've decided that next year I won't live in a dorm - I'm just going to live in the ceiling of Whole Foods. 

Alas, there is no cable tv here, so I'm ludicrously behind on Suits, Haven, House, Eureka, Necessary Roughness, and almost all of my other shows.  Poo.

It was cold out today (relative to every other day thus far), so it seems that fall is on the way.  This pleases me immensely.

I've joined a couple of clubs since I got here (Philosophy Club and the International Affairs Society).  I'm pumped about Phil Club; less so about the IAS.  I'm only really in it for the MUN program, which I've yet to hear anything substantial about.

Alrighty folks, now I have to go do some homework.  "Le gasp," you say, "Homework on a Friday evening?!"  Yes.  Homework on a Friday evening.  Because tomorrow I wish to kayaking without a great deal of stress weighing down my paddles.  But don't worry, I'll also creep about on the Internet tonight too.

Just a fun thought...

You know all of those "Keep calm and carry on" knock-offs?  Like "Keep calm and have a cupcake," or "Keep calm and drop an anchor."

Well I've come up with one:  "Keep calm and drink a gallon of milk.  Then go back to freaking out."



I thought it was cute...